In part that's a good thing. Mulling over our mistakes and thinking of ways not to make them again so that we're not always in that niche of failure, is the thing from which growth is born from. Those are moments of reflection that enable us to be closer to where we need to be on this parenting trip. Of course one can easily get lost in the city of despair, fear, anger, even victimization. It's a norrow road and we have to be so careful to navigate the terrains with delicacy and grace.
Social media, with its many wonderful qualities is the one place where you can simultaneously feel wonderful and worthless about your self, about your parenting. It's a place where we can encourage each other on this trip, even if everyone's route looks different, our final destinations are the same.
However too often when we feel embittered by our own mistakes, that niche that we've carved out for ourselves, either on purpose or by mistake, we take to social media for a little game of "but at least I'm better than..." to make ourselves feel better about our own terrain. And that's when we've veered off the road & slamed ourselves into a massive tree & fallen into a ditch. What a tragedy. That with all the gifts God has given each of us to be able to love on others, encourage them, come along side them, built them up, etc... that we chose the less worthy path, the less loving path.
We chose to hurt others, either to their face or behind their back, in order to attempt to make ourselves feel better about our own crumby realities. Often making up lies about people we don't even really know much about & spreading them like truth. This also goes for those listening to the foolishness as well. We all have to do our part to not feed this soul sucking behavior. It's unhealthy, unchristlike, unloving, uncaring and a whole lot more un-words....folks, it's just not good. It dimishes your spiritual life and walk, it diminishes friendships, you dilute yourself into believing your mess isn't so bad instead of working on it, and oh, so much more.
We are so worried about how green or brown, how tall, how messy the grass next door is, peeking over that fence, giving tips and criticizing the process of the grass' owner. That we have forgotten that we planted our own grass seeds and never actually watered the grownd. How true also is this scenario in our own parenting lives?
"Can you believe Anne, she runs around town all day taking her kids to activities? When do those poor kids rest?"
"Can you believe Diane, she allows her kids to have electronics at the dinner table?"
"Can you believe Mary, she's still breastfeeding that kid of hers!"
"Can you believe Jennifer, she hasn't finished last year's curriculum yet!"
I suggest that before we dive head first into criticism that maybe we take a magnifying glass into our own lives and really dig deep for why those things matter so much to us.
Do we feel inferior to Diane because her kids attend many events & maybe we deep down fear that we aren't "socializing" our children enough? Do we wonder if we are ever doing a disservice to our kids by limiting their electronic usage as much as we do? Are we upset we didn't breastfeed or breastfeed as long as Mary is? Are we upset that Jennifer has taken lots of breaks through out her homeschool year to enjoy the snow, the beach, the park, have a vacation, that her kids enjoy learning while we have to beg our kids to sit and listen to us teach?
Ted Trip wrote in "Sheperading a Child's Heart" that everything was a heart issue. He gave the scenario that one child was playing with a toy, then another child shows up and wants to play with the same toy. The second child has no patients and snatches the toy away, both children are now fighting and crying. Who do you discipline? Well, both kids. One child's heart issues are easy and evident. He is selfish, greedy and has no patients. He snatched a toy away and couldn't wait for his turn with the toy. He wanted a toy that was already being used and couldn't find anything else to do but snatch the toy away. However the other child is equally to blame. The second child saw that the first wanted the toy and was also greedy and selfish. Why couldn't he just have shared the toy or been content to give it away and find a new toy?
How does this relate? That it made me see that adults were just the same. If I was being attacked for homeschooling my kids instead of becoming defensive I looked at the source. Oh, these people criticize have this going on....I can see why it would be easier to point and criticize my family loudly when their's is fallen apart. Or something to that effect. Everything is a heart issue. I realized the attack came from someone likely jealous of my family. Look for the root and pray that God removes it from you heart and your spirit and then pray for the people who were ready to criticize. Growth comes from repentance. Repentance being that we turn away from our actions that displease God.
I ask you to look to your own heart issues the next time the desire to criticize someone else's life comes up. Instead, attempt through His mercy and grace to turn it into an opportunity of love and service either by praying for the person or meeting some need you see. Our perceptions aren't all wrong. Maybe Jennifer hasn't finished last year's curriculum because she had a baby or a few illnesses or has a parent dying. Maybe she needs a hand or a dinner delivered. Our perceptions aren't all bad, it's just a matter of what we do with them.
What will you do with them?
"Let us not become tired of doing good." Galatians 6:9 NIRV
James 1:27
Micah 6:8
Colossians 3:17
James 4:17
Hebrew 10:24
I'm the crazy one organizing everything. I really enjoy organizing. It brings me happiness and peace.
